


i love you, i love all of you

by seohin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Complete, Homophobic John Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seohin/pseuds/seohin
Summary: “...You love Riverside Blues,” Sam says carefully, and once Dean would think that Sam was just an idiot who thought Dean forgot that, but he likes to think he’s more emotionally mature for that so he’s pretty sure that it’s just Sam’s way of trying to figure out if Dean wants to talk.“I do.”Sam hesitates and then turns off his phone, and Dean swallows the dryness in the throat and tries to speak again.“But I also like Ramble On.”
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s), Lee Webb/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 121





	i love you, i love all of you

**Author's Note:**

> i understand that not all coming out stories are like this so please suspend your belief(s) (but if there are any like really big problems pls lmk and ill try to fix it or just nix this all together tbh)
> 
> written bc ive found a dire drought of coming out fics that arent related to destiel or wincest (and also cheers for this being my first completed fic that _isn't_ inspired by another fic!!) can be set anytime post s7, i personally imagine it to be sometime after before s9 but tbh whenever this works for u i guess. if u squint really really hard i guess it can be read like wincest but i wrote this with their profound *brotherly* bond in mind so... (also the favorite song thing is based off that one episode that im 90% sure is from early in the show so i guess that helps w/timeline but if it makes no sense just ignore it or drop a comment)
> 
> enjoy!!

It happens when they’re in Manhattan. 

Dean’s normally careful about stuff like this, watching what he says, making sure he’s just on the wrong side of straight-wonderland (and then wildly overcompensating whenever it even _looks_ like Sam’s gonna say something and he might not have liked BustyAsianBeauties.com since he was 29 years old and fresh out of hell but it works and that’s all that matters), but a man has needs and it looked like the pretty redhead was leading Sam back to her apartment so why not, right?

The guy on the other side of the bar, reading a newspaper and blatantly staring over at Dean every few seconds with slightly narrowed eyes seems the type, but there’s something shifty about him with his all-black ensemble that looks like something straight out of _Batman_ that Dean doesn’t want to touch with a fifty-foot pole. Clicking a tongue, he tries to give off as much of a ‘no homo!’ vibe as he can, putting on a Dean Winchester-special and smiling and turning to the blonde that’s sitting on his right that seemed interested. Or, at least, _was_ sitting on his right.

In her place is a guy with green eyes and brown hair that looks a bit surprised but overall chill with it, raising an eyebrow and smirking back. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees the blonde move to chat up some poor guy and Dean can recognize the con from a mile away so he just grins and tilts his head.

“Hey,” the guy says, and then two shots of vodka later they’re stumbling out the back door that Sam went through an hour ago, Dean fishing the keys out of his wallet and slipping into Baby with a pleasant thrill running through his veins. It’s been a while (too long, almost), but as soon as they reach the run-down motel the guy doesn’t ask any questions and instead just presses Dean against the wall the second the door shuts. 

He doesn’t say anything, and Dean’s pretty sure that the name he gave him between frantic kisses (Jason? Jessie?) is just as fake as the credit card Dean used to buy him drinks, but he doesn’t care and just presses them closer together. When the guy begins kissing down Dean’s neck, pressing bruises against the jut of his collarbone and digging his nails into his hips, it’s almost better than any ecstasy Dean’s tried, and way better than the waitress he’d picked up in Bumfuck, Iowa, and _God_ it’s amazing.

Between practically ripping the guy’s shirt off and the guy unzipping Dean’s pants, Dean doesn’t hear the door open, but then it’s “holy shit” and Dean jumps away from the guy’s magical fingers like he’d burned him.

Sam stands in the door, eyes wide, hands gripping a tub of ice cream that Dean doesn’t remember buying. The guy pauses, glancing between Dean and Sam, his voice coming out in hard, fast pants that match Dean’s breath for breath.

“This your… this your boyfriend?” The guy says, voice taut, and Dean closes his fist, feeling the crackle of the square of foil inside. Sam looks at Dean even as Dean can see his eyes narrowing slightly, his finger twitching like was feeling the absence of a pen and paper to try and put all the clues together. 

“Brother, actually,” Dean finally says, and then the silence is palpable, buzzing in the air louder than any fire. 

The guy pauses, tilting his head, and Dean’s 90% sure that some form of _CODE RED! CODE RED!_ is running through his head because he pauses and then grabs his shirt, chewing on his lip before leaving with a quick, “Bye,” as he slips it on. Dean’s tempted to tell him to stay and shut Sam out in the car but he knows it doesn’t work like that, so instead he just winces in sympathy for the guy and glances at Sam, who stays silent.

“Let me— let me go change.”

Sam nods carefully and Dean has a nagging feeling that this isn’t just going to go away the same way it did when Sam found Dean on his knees in front of the head cheerleader when they were kids because this is different, apparently. He goes in the bathroom and washes his face and with trembling hands tucks the condom in his pocket, taking in a few deep breaths as he fixes his clothes. When he comes back out, though, Sam’s lounging on the second bed like nothing’s happening, fingers on the keyboard like it’s just another Saturday night.

He’s tempted to just come out and say it but Sam’s fingers are still clenched and he’s almost _too_ casual, so Dean just licks his lips carefully and then sits down on the other bed. “What about—” Dean clears his throat and shakes his head, grabbing a beer because he might already be tipsy but he’s not nearly enough for this talk. “What happened to the redhead? She seemed pretty hot.”

His voice is too calm, too normal, and Dean sees the way Sam tenses imperceptibly before relaxing. “She was trying to find a rebound from a bad breakup or something, so I just bought her some ice cream.”

Dean’s eyebrows reach up to his hairline and this is the part where he would say something about Samantha’s Non-Existant Period Pain but he’s still out of it so he just shrugs and tries to ignore the way Sam’s eyes keep on cutting over to him every few seconds. He doesn’t miss the way Sam’s laptop is carefully angled away from Dean, or the way that his phone is right-side-up, like he’d been texting someone when Dean walked out of the bathroom, but Winchesters are nothing if not skilled in the art of sublimation and the gaping silence that follows is almost as familiar as the feel of a machete in one hand and a gun in the other. 

Without saying anything Dean finishes up his beer and tries not to think of the way his stomach cramps, knotting painfully. Still, he turns off the room light and then all that’s left is the soft glow of the laptop screen and the gentle tap-tap-tapping of Sam’s fingers on the keys that’s more of a lullaby than any mobile.

Sometime in the night, when Dean twists over and tries to find some sleep in the state of half-consciousness that seemed to take over his eight hours these days, his eyes flit open to see Sam, haloed with blue light looking more like an angel than any Dean’s ever meet, tilting his head at him and looking at him with something Dean can’t describe dancing across his face. It’s almost sadness, Dean thinks, pity, but there’s another side to it that Dean doesn’t know, doesn’t _want_ to know, and so he just closes his eyes again and tries to forget the way Sam looked; open, unsure, but happy. Proud.

He wakes up in the morning and the two continue this dance, this semblance of normality that only serves as a reminder that something’s different, Dean a beat off from their regular rhythm in a way that changes nothing and everything. Sam gets him a coffee and Dean takes too long to grab it, Dean puts the Zeppelin tape in too fast and his fingers catch, fumble with the cassette player, skitter across the tape in a way he last did when he was young and nervous on a first date. Sam glances at him, and when he mentions they should stay behind another day to make sure no one’s survived the vamp nest they attacked Dean just floors the gas on the way out.

They’re on the 80 out of New York and Dean can feel the silence pushing on them in a way that’s all-too-familiar even with the music blaring, and normally he would ignore it but he’s past that now, isn’t he? He’s… he’s trying to be honest with himself, he likes to think, and he guesses this is part of that, and so he clears his throat, and before he can talk himself out of it, pulls the tape out before the song’s over.

The emptiness is sudden and quick, and Sam glances up from his phone, exiting out of the chrome app before he thinks Dean can see what he’s googling which is… annoying, to say the least.

“...You love Riverside Blues,” Sam says carefully, and once Dean would think that Sam was just an idiot who thought Dean forgot that, but he likes to think he’s more emotionally mature for that so he’s pretty sure that it’s just Sam’s way of trying to figure out if Dean wants to talk.

“I do.” 

Sam hesitates and then turns off his phone, and Dean swallows the dryness in the throat and tries to speak again.

“But I also like Ramble On.”

Pause. Then—.

“I’m sorry?”

Dean looks over to see Sam’s eyes widen fractionally before he tries to compose himself, carefully trying to look as sympathetic as possible which is honestly kind of sad, if Dean’s being honest.

“I think— according to what Charlie said, I’m—” and here he pulls a hand off the steering wheel and, ignoring the dip in his gut as he takes in a deep breath that never even comes up when he fights a werewolf pack singlehandedly what the hell, “—‘bisexual’, apparently.”

Sam’s quiet, and then he says, delicately. “So you like guys and girls?”

Shrugging, Dean turns back to the road, avoiding Sam’s eyes because it’s way easier this way, if he’s being honest. “Yeah.”

“Did, uh—” Sam clears his throat and continues, ducking his head even as he still looks at Dean to gauge his reaction, “—did Dad know?”

He laughs, something short and brittle, and shakes his head. “ _Did_ he.”

Sam looks at him, eyebrows furrowed, and Dean makes a split-second decision because if he’s being honest about this he might as well be about the other stuff too.

“Remember Lee? Lee Webb?”

“That’s the kid we uh, we ran into on the Rakshasa hunt, right? Older sister killed by a banshee, Dad helped him out on a few cases so he didn’t go gank himself because he was ‘young’ and ‘immature’?” 

Dean chuckles. “That’s the bastard. Remember after Anaheim, when Dad wouldn’t let him do anything on a hunt? Still respected him, but wouldn’t even let him dig up a grave? Just stuck a gun in his hand and, uh, put him on watch.” Dean snorts lightly to himself and tries to ignore the way Sam looks at him thoughtfully, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Yeah! I, uh, I forgot about that,” he shakes his head and tucks a piece behind his ear, raising an eyebrow at Dean. “Always just thought he had an injury or something.”

He huffs a breath. “An injury? Wow. What actually— what _actually_ happened was that Dad and I walked in to him screwing the quarterback in the motel room.” Dean chuckles. “ ‘An injury’. As if.”

Sam raises his eyebrows and looks over at Dean, hesitating. “Oh. I hadn’t— I hadn’t known that.”

“Yeah— Dad didn’t say anything, but he didn’t _trust_ him anymore, y’know? It would’ve almost been better if he _had_ but he just… said nothing. And I was looking at him, and I was thinking I could never have him look at me the way he did to Lee, almost like he was disappointed, right? So I never— I never said anything.”

There’s silence and Dean risks looking over at Sam, who pauses and then talks quickly, carefully, almost like it’s a practiced speech. “Thank you for, uh, for telling me this. This doesn’t change anything, but I will try to, uh, to keep an open mind, even if it’s hard for me to remember or get used to this revealed information.”

“Huh,” Dean says, and he moves onto the exit to take a detour through a town, “How long did it take for you to memorize that?”

Sam grins, shit-eating in a way Dean hasn’t seen in a while, and even though it's obvious what Sam's doing Dean still relaxes at it. “I learned it at Stanford, actually.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I was part of the GSA on campus. Wanted to ‘broaden my horizons’ because I didn’t trust what Dad told me as far as I could throw him.”

Dean snorts. “You’re such a fucking nerd.”

“I’m sorry, which one of us came out with a _Led_ _Zeppelin_ reference? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean slaps the backside of Sam’s head and, pulling into a gas station, points a finger at him. “Seriously, though, this changes nothing, okay?”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam says, and he flashes a grin and gets out of the car as Dean looks at the gas prices, heading for the drug store.

“And don’t forget my pie!”

**Author's Note:**

> happy (late) pride month!!
> 
> (yes i am aware that was a horrible ending but i could not think of any other way to end it other than 'jerk' 'bitch' but i already used that in my last fic (shameless self promo) so this happened and its rly shitty but whatever) (and yes i am aware i used a cas quote for the title and didnt even mention him in the fic but it _worked_ ok dont judge me:))
> 
> if u enjoyed (or found the small easter egg!!) pls drop a comment and/or kudos!! i love to hear ur thoughts :)


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